What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 00:03
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Would this be the day?
Why do many men like women's breasts?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My life is so biszare .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
What would it take for you to consider yourself a "Swiftie" like Flavor Flav?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
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Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She loved him until the end.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
When a narcissist mad at their new supply, do they take it out on the old supply?
Comes on , in middle age.
I have no regrets .
(And it was in our own minds.)
What smell will you never forget?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
What is your analysis of Walter White from Breaking Bad?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We all went to grammer schools
Does eating bread before bed make you fat? If so, why?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Do you think the number of sissies is on the rise?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
What was it like being spanked as a kid?
But, we were locked up after school.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I write beautiful poetry .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Who then, do I blame.?
I was scared of men, in general
He knew the spot.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
We were not on the streets..
I will be 64.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She was in good health!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Im still living with it.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was seconnd youngest,
My family never makes their pension either.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I waited trembling.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
This is soul school!.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I never cut or harmed myself..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As i do to all so called friends.?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And i lived it daily.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I said to her
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She married twice! .
She found it foreign!.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I was 9 years of age.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
So whats the point in blame.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Put me off passion for life!!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Especially a lifetime of it.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Was to survive, this bastard.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
All the time i was locked up.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
It was going to be , some day.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But it wasn’t much.
One cannot live in the past .
But ive been too sick for many years..
When she asked me how she looked .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
What did i know ?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I don,t even have a pension.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
So, i spoilt her more .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was very sick at this time too.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I think the readers, may guess!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Ive learnt so much.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She wouldn,t have been !
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.